I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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