ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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