You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize