I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
