He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
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HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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