yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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