I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
