I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
