I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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