i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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