I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
