you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
