I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
