I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
