we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
