And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
