You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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