____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
