I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i think my mom watched the whole time
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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