Ambien. No doubt about it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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