you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
