There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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