how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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