and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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