good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
