I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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