there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
