Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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