my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
