Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
