Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
