I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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