STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
