we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
