Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
