I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
