I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
