Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize