She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize