The maid of honor just puked.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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