Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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