She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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