where am i from again
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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