Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
