The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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