you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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