i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
