Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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