You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your cock deserves a montage
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
