my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
