WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
