If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
