the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
