You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
