wakey wakey hands off snakey
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
