I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
