Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
