Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
