know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
