he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
