So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This is my gift to your gina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
