We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
