The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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