Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
