I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
